... Ohhkay ... ?
So apparently five hundredth time is the charm, I see what you mean by "just keep trying".
After doing the same thing every few seconds for a few hours this afternoon (I'm really bored because I don't have my music) I finally got it into disk mode somehow. I then restored it through iTunes, installed iPod Linux, and am currently happily listening to "Stupified" by Disturbed. Thank you, zowki, for if it wasn't for your "just keep trying" I probably would have lost all hope and wasted another hundred dollars on another iPod.

If I have any more problems, I'll come back.